Literally Literal Literary


This post, as many of my posts have been written out, will probably fall into place over a couple days.  As Sarah and I watch the latest episode of The Bachelor, watching the excruciating awkward moment between the bachelor, Ben, and his cohorts:  the single and surprisingly not-so-single women he has to choose from.  In tonight’s episode:  nothing really happened with the exception of two individuals leaving rose-less.  Now that Sarah’s (and mine by default) choices have gone home, we are left routing for the pain-in-the-ass Courtney.  Why?  SPOILER:  there has been news through the rumor mill, stating Ben and his choice for the television-arranged adopted engagement have split!  So, why not route for the one you dislike?


In last week’s episode:  the growing arrogant Ben had the opportunity to ditch three of them, two of them making the decision easier for him to eliminate them.  Actually, they all had an opportunity to ring the Bell of Craziness, loudly and not-so-proudly.  It’s in the afterthought that the leaving women asked the camera, a.k.a. America, rhetorically what they did wrong.

In the forefront, I have to admit that I am very happy I don’t have to date anymore.  Sarah and I get to go on dates, but we don’t have to deal with the drama of the dating process.  I don’t have to doubt or question Sarah and her intentions. I don’t have to question or doubt my intentions.  It’s comfortable to be secure in having my shit straight and moving forward with this crucial part of my life. 

Like everyone else, it’s in the afterthought when you question yourself:  what the hell was I thinking?  If I would have known, I’d go back in time and tell my younger self to be patient and wait until September 2009. However, secluding oneself would prohibit the necessary mistakes to be made, building the self-confidence and backbone and tough skin one would have when it came to finally meet that one love of your life.  Without mistakes, you’d be questioning yourself even more than the normal person would.  Your partner would, too; they’d be worried if you were there first long term relationship.  Regret things you have done or said, but embrace the lessons.

Returning to The Bachelor…  Ben had the opportunity to deal with three individuals who did not hesitate to begin looking through the janitor’s key ring to find the key to the locked door which actually led to the exit.  The red lit sign was over the door the whole time, too.

The first broke out a scrap book, highlighting the entire tenure of her being on the television show.  The thought was sweet; however, breaking the damn thing out in the middle of this dating tournament was a poorly executed play.  Also, as I commented during the show, the woman being… Okay, I’m going to stop myself from being shallow, reflecting upon this discarded person’s profession.  We’re looking for personality here, and it’s bad enough everyone thinks this television drama provides an ample amount of time to get to know someone.  However, she brought out the cute-disguised-crazy out too early.

The second was asked to leave, because she was involved in a relationship back home.  First she denied this.  Then she admitted that she was living with her ex-boyfriend, who definitely had some emotional grasp on her, but had no feelings for him.  The more denial pushed her to realize she had to tell the truth:  that she is with him, hoping that her no-longer-ex-boyfriend-turned-current-on-again-off-again boyfriend would believe in marriage sooner than later.  Finally, the girl came to terms with being in love with her boyfriend. She even admitted her needing to seek a therapist.  The toadie to the main antagonist has officially left the building, moving like a slug as she sat upon her luggage, floating down the river of her own tears.  You may feel bad for her; however, she brought this upon herself, convincing herself to the point of denying denial, but fully accepting what came to her onscreen.  Being dumb and playing dumb while trying to act innocent:  oil and water, my friends.  You’re eating a fudgesicle in a white dress at two o’clock on an early-August sunny day, while walking down a hill in heels to attend an outdoor wedding reception.  You’re jump roping in a china shop, because you want to prove to the Chinese workers you can be American and a great gymnast, too.  You’re trying to pry out a piece of bread from the toaster with tongs, thinking the lightly plastic-coated handles are good enough

The last, the upstate New Yorker and Sarah’s former favorite and front-runner, decided to finally make a move with Ben.  She decided to go in for the first kiss; however, this bold act came with a bonus lesson on how to kiss… awkwardly.  She should have opted for the PowerPoint presentation instead of running her mouth.  Needless to say, her shooting herself in the foot did her worse than Plaxico’s incident.  As the quiet member of the group, her boisterous last-minute hurrah fell faster than a toddler learning to walk.  This left no suspense whatsoever in terms of anticipating the final rose ceremony.

While she was leaving, teary-eyed and regretful, she admitted to really liking Ben and cherishing their connection.  What connection?  This was the first episode you had actual face time since the season premiere.  You can thank the editors, because I don’t think anyone realized there was anything going on between her and Ben. This New Yorker was the character in a dramatic series where everything is beginning to go well for her.  However, those who have seen this scenario before know all too well that this is too good to be true and the fate of this character can be summed up in one word:  screwed.


More so than Survivor, The Great Race, or any of those other television survivor/last-(wo)man-standing series, I have come to terms with ABC’ Bachelor-related shows (including Bachelor Pad, because who would want to leave that show out?) strike close to home.


For your consideration:  Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None.

Ten little Indian boys went out to dine;
One choked his little self and then there were nine.
Nine little Indian boys sat up very late;
One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Eight little Indian boys travelling in Devon;
One said he’d stay there and then there were seven.
Seven little Indian boys chopping up sticks;
One chopped himself in half and then there were six.
Six little Indian boys playing with a hive;
A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
Five little Indian boys going in for law;
One got in Chancery and then there were four.
Four little Indian boys going out to sea;
A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Three little Indian boys walking in the zoo;
A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Two Little Indian boys sitting in the sun;
One got frizzled up and then there was one.
One little Indian boy left all alone;
He went out and hanged himself and then there were none.

It is true, the adapted book title and poem did strike controversy (I acknowledge that); however, I just wanted to share the rhyme with you in this entry. My intention is to not go into that.  It, also, goes along with how children and nursery rhymes are delightfully creepy when incorporated well. 

Instead of everybody competing against everyone else, there is an individual in this series, aside the host, who is the primary focus.  Depending how you look at him/her, they could illustrate the protagonist or antagonist. In essence, the one who stands alone:  the killer.  In my opinion, compared to his character on The Bachelorette, Ben has turned into a bit of an {censored} if you know what I mean; his scorn and anger has mixed with frustration and neediness, catalyzing a monster of arrogance from the power he has adopted.

Maybe my reasoning is the anticipation of those leaving the episode.  Three women left this recent episode, instead of the average one-and-a-half, and this seems to be the trend this season.  Whose dreams will Ben crush/kill today?  It’s fantastic anticipation.


Moving on. 

Whatever happened to the noir, the mysteries, the whodunits?  I miss those movies.  I miss the actual mysteries.  I miss the red herrings and the clues and foreshadowing easily overlooked.  The mysteries put out today; they really aren’t that mysterious.  They’ll throw in a twist, but that doesn’t constitute deeming the media as a mystery.  Scooby-Doo and his gang had better mysteries than Hollywood presently produces.  At least they have clues they are looking for. 

My guilty pleasure, Castle, has been disgustingly disappointing due to the lack of clues.  I love the show, don’t get me wrong, but any realization is verbally recognized.  The viewer literally does not see it coming.  Where is the fun in that?  Like similar crime shows, not including the ridiculous CSI series and similar shows (despite the shows’ longevity they pick up DNA and all that crime scene stuff to solve the crime, and I consider the dialogue and interactions more of a soap opera), the relationship interactions are focused upon.  That’s great, but let the viewer have fun themselves instead of simply getting us in front of the television for ratings.  That’s what it simply comes down to:  ratings.  However, that’s not a bad thing.  Producers, writers, and everyone else:  work some interesting perks in there to keep us coming back for sure.

Harper’s Island was an alright show.  It wasn’t the best, but intertwined many of the slasher movie aspects with Agatha Christie’s novel.  Granted, the show displayed the cheese as the series came to a close.  There were clues, sometimes more than obvious, but at least the writers tried to cover this up.  However, I am glad it was intended to be a one-and-done series.  Should television networks do this?  Definitely.  This would be similar to that ambiguous ending that I love and that everyone seems to dislike:  where do the characters go from here?  I love it. 

The movie Identity:  understandably, this has nothing to do with the Castle series, or the leaving of clues to solve a mystery; however it’s a great movie alluding to And Then There Were None.  The movie, also, stars John Cusack (who is currently in Syracuse!).

Another segue.

This is probably sadistic for me to say, but it’s entertaining.  When you’re watching, you’re compelled.  You aren’t afraid to admit your nervous and anxious to see who is next up on the chopping block.  Don’t look at me like that.  No one likes to see a favorite character go, but it’s upsetting when they do; you want to turn the show/movie off, but you don’t, and this is due to your wanting to see how it plays out.  When the stereotyped antagonist of the core characters, aside the main antagonist, meets their end; you feel gypped when they have a less than satisfying ending.  At the end, you’re thinking:  typical crap!

You’re guilty of these thoughts, so just admit it.


As the show is coming to a close, the anticipation ebbs and the climax comes early.  The only thing anyone is anticipating would be the to-be proposal.  We already know Ben decides to “propose” and one of his choices says yes, but… Who will be the final two?  Which girl will Ben choose?  Is Evil Courtney one of the final two? 

Bah!  It’s good background noise.

When it comes down to it, I’m looking at the grand schematic:  which will be the last reality show to survive on the air after the fad finally dissipates?  Unfortunately, there will forever be reality shows.  I’m waiting for the guy versions.  All I have to say:  Lord of the Flies and all the adaptations that allude, associating with Battle Royale and The Running Man, and featuring zombies or creatures reminiscent of The Flood from the Halo enterprise.

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