Keys to Judging Others

Here’s some Operation Ivy to jump start your morning.

This may be the second Operation Ivy song posted in this blog within a month. Oops.

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Due to being in an odd state of professional limbo, fat was cut and my gym membership has been cancelled.  You’re thinking that I’m going to let myself go.  No, that’s not in the plan.  There weights in the basement, so those will be utilized.  The road was made to be shared by feet and all vehicles with wheels.  With that being said, handing the keys to the gentlemen helping me out got me thinking a bit.

Oh, yes. Did you see what I did there?  The title of this post completely threw you off.  Did you think this was a post about actually judging people?  I would never post or support bullying.  Ridiculous.  I am ashamed of all your assumptions.

My parents got the tires changed on one of their vehicles, so my mom followed my father and I.  He and I needed a wide

Really?  Did I just type wide instead of ride?  Yes.  Yes, I did.  Although I am not going to talk like a child in this post, it may sound like a challenge at some point in the (near) future.

However, my father and I placed our keys on the counter.  He has a Guinness bottle opener, which was a gift given to him.  I know this is a gift, because the key chain says “Las Vegas” along it; my parents don’t gamble.  Due to the three sets of keys I had at one point, I used to have three carabiners (orange, blue, and green) to distinguish keys from my places of emplyment and my house/car.  Carabiners are no longer used, but I do have a Middle Ages Brewing Company bottle opener.  I also have a Dick’s Sporting Goods tab, a Onondaga County Public Library tab, and well… I used to have a Pine Grove Country Club tab.

A lot of people say that they can tell a lot about you through social media outlets and blogs.  Um, duh.  Chris you’re a genius; here’s an award.  Clothing style can throw people off, but T-shirts cannot.  Depending on your age, gender, and what exactly is on the shirt you are wearing–it’s safe to say that everyone wears T-shirts at some point or another–whatever is plastered on said article of clothing can definitely showcase your interests and immaturity if it’s there.  There are a few other tells:  how a person sits, if they make eye contact or their eyes in general, how they keep their car, how they talk, and their shoes.  We can thank Forrest Gump for that last one.

Key chains, I think, are important as well.  Yeah, I have all those little laminated pieces of cardboard on my keychain.  There are only a few, but people take notice.  A bottle opener is a standard for guys, but the type or insignia on the opener speaks.  A blank standard opener could mean the person has this just because and sending/promoting a message doesnt faze them.  An insignia could mean the person is materialistic or conscious about what they want people to know.  I have Middle Ages Brewing Company, because I do want to send a message:  I like craft beer and support local business.

The sporting goods strore, library, and fitness center card say enough.  Blank chains may not say enough, or maybe it does?  Blunt and to the point?  Boring, perhaps?

Hey, key chains are a good tell for dating.

However, we have those people with lavish decorations.  You’re not going to catch my eye if you have a key chain or bottle opener that reads:  “I’m not think as you drunk I am” (especially at 30 and older), “Bitches be trippin” (you’ll have to have a good story behind that or you’ll have to be a comedian), or a unicorn shitting a rainbow (“…because it’s not Ebola unless it’s coming out of both ends,” courtesy Dr. Perry Cox, Scrubs). If I see the latter, I may laugh at that for a moment since it’s a mythical creature having a make believe bowl movement.

And I say fart jokes aren’t funny.

Some people still have Lanyards.  Call the fashion police:  are these still in style?  Yeesh.  Lanyards, in my opinion, tell everyone that you are forgetful and/or susceptible to losing things.  There won’t be making fun of those people with Lanyards; however, faces of Whaaaaaaaa? will be made.

Don’t make the faces too long, because they’ll freeze like that.

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