Yours truly went out on a dinner date this weekend. [Round of applause.] I know, right? I never talk about my dating life, dates especially. However, I’m not going to talk about it.
There will be no talk about how we met, as idealistic as it was. There will be no talk about the date, because writing about this young woman can only jinx me. Studies have shown this correlation to be true. The only thing I will say about her is that she’s younger than me, because this breaks my habit and intention of dating older. We grabbed food and one post-dinner drink before calling it an evening.
Let’s take another step back at a moment. To not jinx this further, because I’m an oblivious guy who analyzes things despite resisting not to. How does one classify a date? Is a dinner date supposed to be a date or a night out? What part of going for a night out signifies that that the evening is or is not a date? Nonetheless, it was a casual outing.
There was excitement about this Saturday evening, and being nervous was part of that package. Denial about being nervous set in, but it was accepted after I took a step back to look at myself. This is easily done in a mirror.
My cousin, Candace, was in town, and she showed her excitement for me. She flat out told me that I was super nervous and excited since the background was told to her. I found myself being quiet before the date, and the afternoon started with Candace and I watching Before Midnight (an excellent film, but this will be for a later post). After the movie, in retrospect, is when my nervousness kicked in.
It’s good to feel nervous. Despite an onset of bewilderment, the awkward and natural feeling of nervousess/anxiety is reassuring.
First, I began to pace back-and-forth, up-and-down my parents’ split level house. I broke out a bottle of Brewery Ommegang’s Adoration Ale, which is a 10% ABV Belgian Strong Dark Ale. It’s an absolute delight, but it will knock you off your feet (please drink responsibly). Due to my boasting about it, I split the bottle with my family, three ounces for each person, so my nerves could be calmed. Getting sauced before a date would be a stupid, stupid, stupid idea; having Jameson would have only been a cliché at that moment.
I took a shower despite my being clean. And this is where my time to shine kicked in. That statement is woven with many strands of sarcasm. After stepping out, realizing that my intention was to think about the evening and what to wear, I brushed my teeth and stared into space while the mirror fog faded.
Deciding What to Wear
-
As mentioned: the original plan was to think about this during the shower, but that didn’t happen (obviously)
- I stared at my closet for a good few minutes
- My clothes, to my dismay, did not dance out in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice style
- [Insert curse word.]
- Dark jeans, T-Shirt, cardigan, argyle socks
- (No, I always were this.)
- Dark jeans, button down shirt, argyle socks
- (No, the shirt looks terrible. It doesn’t seem to fit right, but it does fit. Why did I ever buy this shirt?)
- Add tie
- (No.)
- Dark jeans, button down shirt #2, argyle socks
- (No.)
- Add cardigan
- (Yes! Mmmm. No.)
- Add tie
- (No tie.)
- [Insert curse word.]
- Tan pants, button down shirt #2, argyle socks
- (Hmm. No.)
- Add tie
- (No tie.)
- Add cardigan
- (No. No. No.)
- Add tie
- (No.)
- [Insert curse word.]
- Tan pants, (back to) shirt #1, argyle socks
- (Something is not right.)
- Add cardigan
- (Hmm. YES!)
- Add tie
- (No tie.)
- Brown dress shoes
- (Too dressy.)
- Converse All-Stars
- (Where are they?)
- (Nah, those are beat to hell. But where are they?)
- [Looks for Converse with no success.]
- Boat shoes
- (Hmm. Fun, casual, and comfortable. Yes!)
- [These shoes have no traction, and less than Converse.]
- (Let’s roll!)
So, this is how I looked, minus the tie:
I called my hair stupid while styling it as well. I definitely did look like Mr. Rogers. That’s my style though.
Old soul. What can I say?
So, prior to picking the woman up, I was nervous. There is no shame in admitting to it. The dressing routine outlined above is a little exaggerated, but I did mix and match two pairs of pants with two shirts, adding and removing the tie. I’m not that neurotic, but I’m not afraid to poke fun of myself. There was plenty of time to pick her up, and the timing was perfect with 10 minutes to spare.
About the shoes? I did slip on ice that night, and my falling to the ground was prevented by bracing myself on my trunk, which resulted in a loud clamor. She was already in the car (yes, this means the door was opened for her and more than once). It’s just typical that I’d slip.
After handing her the iPod, she picked “Such Great Heights” by Iron & Wine, and I dropped her off.
Monday, two days later, I called.
This is all I’m saying.
Christopher S. Malone 
ok, a number of points here. 1. thank god you stopped by my blog, as doing so led me to this post, which made me laugh so hard i nearly split my guts. 2. i would ask for an after-date update, but a) do not want to jinx anything that may be going well, or b) cause you to become despondent and suicidal by reliving a tragedy if it did not go so well. 3. forgive me, but your anxiety reminded me of the squirrels that get out on our country road and begin a frantic break-dance trying to decide which way to run to avoid disaster. 4. well written, and makes me want to read many more posts.
Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. Life has been, well, interesting lately. I’m glad I could generate a laugh, and I hope nothing bad comes from your laughing. If you actually laugh your guts up, I’d feel terrible.
The two dates I’ve gone on with her went well. She’s been busy with school, she’s studying medicine, so I cannot blame her for her and my not hanging out often. I’m a patient person, and not once have I given her slack for studying. I’m not that type of guy to not be patient, which has been a learning experience due to my lack of patience in younger years.
I normally date older, so hanging out with someone, who is 23, has been eye opening in the sense that she is really mature for her age. It’s just tough since we’re at two different points in our lives.
The squirrel dance is the absolute best, and it’s something I’ve come to enjoy and learn from. I’ve never hit a squirrel, mind you; I slow down for all animals (including absent-minded pigeons). Since I’m trying to learn new dance moves to attract the ladies, the unfortunate circumstance of trying to emulate the squirrel break-dance has gotten me kicked out of many clubs and weddings.
Thank you so much for reading, commenting. I can’t wait to read more of your posts as well!
well, well, well, i am so relieved to hear things are panning out so far. i certainly hope your risk in commenting back does not generate any negative fallout here. had things not worked out as you’d hoped, i would have immediately advised you to wear the tie next time, as any woman with soul cannot resist a man wearing a tie, especially one from the “Fred Rogers” collection. should you ever find yourself in need, please notify me immediately and i will send you a million ties that i no longer wear, though none quite as snazzy as Fred’s.
i know what you mean about older women. they attract me also, though ironically, both my marriages have been to younger women. on a serious note, i do believe that the age and wisdom of a person’s soul often outstrips their chronology.
the squirrel dance. yes, my truck needs a front-end alignment about every three days from doing that dance with theses critters.
as far as moves on the dance floor, i don’t do that much anymore. i kind of lost my zest when my daughters, teenagers at the time, kept comparing my moves to Rodney Dangerfield in CaddyShack, to which i replied “And???” alas, under relentless harassment, i gave up dancing. although now that they are grown and on their own, i’ve been practicing the old moves, improvising a few of my own choreography, and i’m just about ready to hit the dance scene with my new stuff. i won’t bother notifying via blog; once the public catches sight of my new moves it will make news all the way from here in louisiana to you in new york.
appreciate your reading and commenting very much, and i intend to read more of your work today. in the meantime, keep a sharp eye out for any renegade critics attacking our fellow bloggers. the next defense can be a duo effort between us.
peace my good man. bob
Sounds good to me! I love sticking up for others.
As a side note, I went to Louisiana (New Orleans) for the first time this summer. There is much love to your state.
new orleans is fabulous!! alas, i live in the complete opposite end of the state – just north of shreveport,which is less than fabulous. i have, however, just discovered memphis, which is only a 5-hour drive and has an outstanding music scene. i’ve been up there for 3 concerts in the past 2 months, and would move there immediately if the opportunity ever arose.
Dating can be tricky these days….two days seems fair. 🙂 Hi, I’m Lindsay. Great blog. You seem like a very interesting guy!
Lindsay, thanks for the feedback; it’s much appreciated, Glad you enjoy the blog, and I hope you continue reading.
Good to read that it’s not just women that have nerves and change outfits. I never knew there were dating rules. Enjoy yourself
Haha. Thanks!
Congratulations and good luck to you on this endeavor! The beginnings of any relationship can be fun, so just be yourself….even if you clamor about a trunk after putting her in the car! 🙂
Do you want one tip, from a seasoned married guy who doesn’t worry about first dates anymore but still treats special nights out with his wife as a date? No? Too bad. Decide on a go-to first-dinner-date outfit. Stick with it no matter what to calm the nerves some. OK, one little second tip. Don’t even drink that three ounces of beer. Too smelly. Good luck on date No. 2, Chris!
Many thanks, Mark! That one outfit is a great idea.
That beer is a bit potent, but I did brush my teeth.
There is no brushing away beer smell, is my thought, Chris. You’re welcome.
Why did you wait 2 days?!!
Haha. This was a great debate to wait.
It’s interesting to think of “tips,” saying to call the day after or wait three days. I’ve never been a fan of that three-day rule, and I feel that contacting the day after (especially calling), is a little bit much.
So, I gave it a day to bask in the good aura.
Well good for you…I don’t believe in ‘rules’ except those your heart speaks…well, I have one ‘rule’, if you could biologically be my father or my son…that’s my ‘rule’!
I agree with you. That’s legitimate criteria.