There is an episode of former hit television show Scrubs where Donald Faison’s character (Chris Turk) and Syracuse University alum John C. McGinley’s (Perry Cox) are on the same schedule.
We’re talking about bathroom schedule.
Throughout the show’s lifespan Cox could care less for Turk due to numerous reasons, including subdued jealousy regarding the romantic relationship between the latter character and Carla (Judy Reyes). Turk uses these bathroom breaks as opportunities to bond and poke the bear — thus, in more ways than one, “taking a piss” — which drives his quasi-antagonist up the subway-tiled wall.
I’m in the same boat.
Unlike the preexisting relationship between the two fictional doctors, this guy at work and I don’t have one. But we should. If we have the same schedule, well, we have something going.
Note: We don’t work together, but our offices are on the same floor.
It would be one thing if we saw each other in a different setting, like a grocery store at the same time every week or the coincidence of running into said person a few times at different locations and within a short period of time. If that were so, I could hire myself a pair of likable, albeit quirky existential detectives to figure out what these situations mean in the grand scheme of things.
Since we don’t have a preexisting relationship and that we are guys, there is an unspoken rule of no talking is allowed in the bathroom, especially when doing your business.
Things Guys Don’t Say to Each Other in the Bathroom:
- How’s it flowing, bruh?
- This sink water is freezing. My fingers are shriveling.
- This soap has no aloe in it. This is bulls**t.
- Did the toilet paper split in two thin sheets for you, too?
- How many shakes are you up to?
- [Walks by, makes eye contact, holds up one or two fingers.]
When needing to go for a late afternoon run, I headed to the bathroom without any expectations. I rounded the corner to leave the office when I saw him coming in the direction from the other office at the end of the hall. Sure enough, he entered soon after I had.
We didn’t say anything. Why would we? If we did, what would we even say?
- Oh, it’s you.
- Funny seeing you here… again.
- You’re probably wondering why I called you into this meeting.
I always had a suspicion that someone in the world was on the same schedule as me. There is someone for everyone. Little did I know that someone is here, in central New York.
Heck, there may be more of us.
The beautiful thing about us as humans is that we have had countless experiences, for better or for worse, and there are people who’ve experienced the same. These may be synchronous or at unfold at different moments. For each of us, aside finding ourselves in similar situations, the experiences are different. It’s subjective. It’s different than saying history repeats itself, but mankind’s experiences started and have been shared from the dawn of time. They’ll continue until we go extinct.
At least we know we’re not alone. We’ll never be.
I play with words and invisible objects.
A mind, a pen and a piece paper have the best relationship ever.
"Remember this--if you shut your mouth, you have your choice."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald